Defiled Forever Read online

  We are breathing heavy as we come back down from that explosion. I feel my tension rise a little bit as I prepare for the coldness in him to return and the kiss off and “I will call you sometime” part.

  With a few soft kisses to my lips face and neck, he leaves the bed and heads into the bathroom to dispose of the condom and do whatever.

  I hear the shower running and decide to jump in with him.

  He smiles and reaches for me when I open the shower door.

  “I was going to run you a hot bath when I got out. That is the only reason I went first and left you on the bed.”

  “This is fine but thank you for the thought.” I say and feel kind of shy again. I think I am waiting for him to be a jerk and say the wrong thing and leave me feeling foolish. I take his battered hands and kiss them one at a time. Sweetness. This is kind of different.

  “You are the only person I have ever made a bath for in my life. The only person I ever shampooed other than myself. I have done a lot of things with you I have never done before.” He says as he is lathering shampoo in my hair.

  “Well ditto for me.” And we laugh at that one. Everything sexually I have ever done has been with this man and he knows it.

  When we get out he wraps a towel around his waist and I do a turban towel on my hair. He takes his time drying every inch of me before wrapping a towel around me snuggly and kissing me long and slowly.

  “While you finish drying, I am going to change the bed I ruined with my wet clothes and do something with all of this wet stuff.” He says as he is walking around the room and gathering up the strewn items.

  “No need, I can do that.” It seems so odd to think of Nikolai doing such domestic things like changing a bed and doing laundry. I assume Yelena and other staff wait on him hand and foot.

  His arms full of clothing he returns to me and kisses me saying “I’ve got this baby. Tell me where I can find sheets and a fresh comforter.”

  “I will get them.” And I head down the hallway to grab the things out of the linen closet and return them to him.”

  The bed is stripped and I try to go around to the opposite side and help but Nikolai stops me pointing to the bathroom tells me to go dry my hair. Fine.

  Twelve

  When I emerge all blow dried and refreshed. Niko is nowhere in sight, so I put on shorts and a tank top. The bed is perfectly made. I am impressed with his skills as well as his willingness to do something like that.

  I head downstairs and smell food cooking in the kitchen and my tummy growls. I am starving and wonder what he has going on.

  He is busy with plates and cutlery, setting our small little breakfast table. He is still wearing nothing more than a towel wrapped around his waist. All he needs is an apron. I hear the washing machine going and have a quick flashback to the time we were together here before. I spot his glass of liquor and not the one big ice cube but 3 or 4 small ones out of the icemaker in our fridge. He is so at home here and so easily.

  “What’s cooking?” I ask.

  He smiles at me with a smile that goes all the way through his grey eyes.

  “Martha set us up before she took off. Lucky for us. It is warming now. Do you want a bottle of wine with our dinner?”

  “No. Thank you. Just water for me.”

  A sad look crosses his face briefly and he says “You cut your beautiful hair.”

  I reach up and touch it self-consciously. “Yes. I did.”

  “I was watching you the entire time you were in that salon. It was hard for me to stand back. If the stylist cut any more length off, I would have torn the place apart and carried you out of there.”

  I have no answer to that. I feel like there is nothing about me over these last few months that Niko doesn’t already know.

  I see his drink is now empty so I go to the bar in Daddy’s office and grab the bottle and bring it to the kitchen for him. When I return he is off to the laundry room so I follow. He is pouring in fabric softener for the rinse cycle.

  “Really?” I ask laughing.

  “Yes. Really. Don’t you know by now I am very good at covering up my tracks?”

  “Nikolai.” I am sad suddenly. I don’t want the reality just yet.

  “I am having Vlad bring me some things if that is ok with you. He will take the comforter to my cleaning guy so we can have it back tomorrow.” He says. Keeping at bay my questions and fears. We have never really talked. Not about the things that matter.

  “Let’s eat Lauren. You need to build your strength up. You have lost a lot of weight since I last had my hands on you.”

  We have a great dinner and I am surprised at how much I eat. My appetite is back. We talk about his work and my work. With regret he tells me his boss, Petrov, pressures him not to see me. Telling him this is impossible. He needs to move on and leave me alone. The entire “family” has great concerns about my seeing Matthew. I know that Matthew’s pet project is organized crime but I don’t want to talk about that now. I don’t want to spoil our time together.

  “You can’t care for him. I know you don’t. Why do you keep seeing him?” Niko asks roughly.

  “He’s a good guy Nikolai. A nice non-threatening guy. Just because I have acted like a brainless bimbo around you since day one doesn’t mean all I want in life is someone to hike my skirt up and screw me.

  Matthew is nice.”

  His face darkens immediately.

  “Don’t talk like that. That isn’t you. Don’t ever call what we do “a screw”. I allow you to see him because his head is so far up his own ass he is harmless. But trust me if he ever pushes for more, it’s over.”

  “Nikolai! Don’t think you have any say in who I see or what I do! I will see Matthew or anyone else I choose to see whenever I want to and if I decide to “screw” them I will! I may have never used my brain when I was around you but believe me I do have a mind of my own!” I almost shout.

  “Don’t doubt me when I say it will be over. That’s a promise not a threat. I will kill anyone that touches you. And I will take great pleasure in using these hands to do it.” And he raises his hands to show me.

  We sit in silence for a few minutes before Nikolai stands up and starts clearing away our dishes. I stand and take over, leaving him to return to his laundry.

  After a few minutes of rinsing dishes and loading them into the dishwasher, Niko slips up behind me and wraps me in his arms, and bends to kiss my neck and behind my ear.

  “I don’t want to fight Nikolai. Please. Not tonight.”

  “Me neither. I’m sorry. You know what I am Lauren. As much as you try to hide from it. You know.”

  He kisses me and all is forgotten. For now.

  “Vlad will be here soon. Let’s go watch a movie or something.” He says and I follow him to the room where we have a huge flat screen and he has the remote to channel surf. We get interested in something and it feels normal. We have never done things together like this before.

  I don’t move when the doorbell chimes. Nikolai, like he owns the place as always, goes to greet Vlad. I hear them speaking softly and Nikolai, still wearing only a towel, brings the items for dry cleaning out of the laundry room. Knowing now that the “family” doesn’t want Nikolai around me, I especially have no desire to chat with Vlad or any of them. The front door closes and other than returning to me and our

  TV program, he runs upstairs. I decide to stay put instead of following him up like a puppy dog. I try to get into what is on the screen.

  After five or ten minutes Nikolai is back and sits down next to me in long gym shorts and nothing else. He smells very good like he normally does as he sniffs a few times and kind of pinches his nose. I know without a doubt he has just done drugs and I hate it. I really hate it.

  We watch a few shows and make out like high school kids on the sofa. I lay on him and he lays on me. Finally when we are both worked up into a frenzy, he turns off the TV standing up and throws me over his shoulder. All evening I am reminded of these things w
e have done before in the past. There has just been a lot more conversation than usual.

  He kisses me deeply as he slides my feet to the floor. I notice the garment bag and the familiar smaller shaving kit type of bag, I feel content knowing he plans on staying here for the weekend.

  He is suddenly everywhere. His mouth. His hands. He is on the attack and I love this. I love when I feel completely devoured by him. In no time, we are both completely naked and laying on the bed. I am a stroke away from having an explosive orgasm and he hasn’t even entered me yet. With the condom in place, he thrusts inside me at the same time his hand grips my throat and I come apart. I try to cry out Nikolai’s name but his grip on me is too tight. I begin to panic that he is lost in it all and won’t let me go in time and save me from passing out completely.

  “More!” He grunts.

  “Come on Lauren. Come for me again. You want this. You want me. You want to fucking breathe again. Come the fuck on! Come before I fuck the very life out of you!”

  And I do. Along with him. I feel shame at how messed up we are. How I enjoy being on the edge of life and death. How great my orgasms are when it seems like life or death.

  I doze for a while and when I am back in the world, I see Nikolai sitting on the bed with a drink. He is staring at me and looks so content and relaxed. I stretch and say “Hello.”

  “Have I been out long?” I ask him.

  “Not long, maybe an hour.” He says as he is rubbing my legs mindlessly.

  OMG. An hour? I thought maybe a couple of minutes at most and I struggle to sit up. Great sex that knocks me out cold for an hour after.

  “I need to use the bathroom and brush my teeth for bed. Can you stay?” I feel both brave and needy at the same time for asking that.

  “I’m not going anywhere sweetheart. At least not until Anatoly has me carried out in a body bag.” He says.

  I reach out to hold his arm so frightened by his words.

  “Is that a possibility? I mean just for being with me?”

  “Not today. I am finding a way to make this work out. Don’t worry about it.” He assures me with a kiss to my forehead.

  “Nikolai, why can’t you get out? You have your own money and don’t need them. Why can’t you get out?” I ask.

  “Hit the bathroom. I need another drink. Can I bring you one?” He asks standing up to leave the bedroom and not waiting for my answer and definitely not answering my questions.

  Thirteen

  Nikolai is back propped up in bed when I exit the bathroom. He has his drink in hand and I spot a bottle of water on the table by my side of the bed.

  “You’re on your own all weekend? No staff and no company?” He asks.

  “No. We are all clear here. Just the two of us. And by the way we have a Martha. We don’t have a staff like you do.” I explain and join him in the bed.

  “Why do you ask?”

  “I fucking hate Lawson. I fucking hate that you see him. He’s a fucking tool. I don’t want to share you with anybody, but especially that guy.” He says clenching his jaw and barely in control of his temper.

  “Ok.” I whisper. I don’t want to spoil things.

  “Talk to me about something. About Russia or your life. Tell me a story.” I ask.

  “Let me tell you something about me that I have never told anyone before. You take my breath away. Everything about you. Your amazing skin, your voice, your soul, your total flawless beauty inside and out Lyubov Moya. I literally cannot breathe when I look at you sometimes. When I watch you sleep. He says as he begins loving me again already. He is kissing and stroking in between his beautiful words and I am lost in it.

  As in the past we make love and sleep a little , wake up and make love some more. At least I am sleeping in between, I doubt Nikolai is. Every time I think Nikolai is pushing me too far and I can’t take anymore, he proves to me that I can. I take it all and I love it all. There is no such thing as too far or too much.

  The grey light of dawn is just beginning when I wake up alone in bed. Slipping an actual little cotton nightgown over my head, I go downstairs to seek him out. Praying he hasn’t left, when I see him watching the TV that is playing softly, almost muted.

  I’m happy he smiles at seeing me.

  “You look like you are ten years old in that. Come to Daddy.” He teases me as he curls his finger for me to come to him.

  “Eww!” I say walking to him.

  He has me straddle his lap and face him with a short kiss.

  “I thought I was your Daddy fetish. I was looking forward to the parts where I get to spank you baby.” He teases me back. At least I pray he is teasing.

  Our kissing deepens. We never get tired of this. We never get enough. His hand finds me wet with no panties on and he sucks in a sharp breath.

  “I think I like this nightgown.” He says between kisses as his fingers swirl around me.

  After a minute or two, he stops caressing my folds and puts those same fingers in his mouth to taste me.

  “Mmm. My favorite taste in the world. No one else like you sweetheart.”

  I can’t hold his stare. It is still too intimate and embarrassing when he says and does things like that.

  “Are you up or do you need more rest?” He asks.

  “I’m awake. I may need a nap later but I am up for now. Are you hungry? I can cook you breakfast.” I say.

  “Yes. But let’s do this together. You should never wait on me or anyone. You are my princess, Lauren. My gold, Zolotse.”

  The things this man says. Wow.

  We make our way to the kitchen and proceed to cook a huge breakfast amid lots of laughing and kissing. I had no idea things could be like this between us. We make plans to go out for the day Niko says he has some ideas. Maybe Catalina or just out on the water. His phone rings a few times and he ignores it. My phone rings just as the final dish is loaded into the dishwasher and I see it is the owner of the gallery. Niko makes the sign of slashing his throat telling me not to answer. But he is my boss, I have to take the call.

  “Lauren, darling I am so happy to know you got home safe love.” He rushes dramatically like he says everything.

  “What is going on Mr. Francis?” I ask.

  “Well there was some gang violence outside the gallery last night after you left. A couple guys got beat almost to death. It was awful and bloody. What a mess. I knew the installation we had attracted a lot of the wrong types but I never dreamed it would explode on my doorstep. How bad is this for my business?” He relays.

  “Oh well. I hope they caught whoever did it and that is the end of it.” I offer.

  “Oh No Darling! They have no one yet and are looking at video footage from street cameras in the area. It had to be an entire gang. Those guys are still in the hospital almost dead!”

  “Well umm you be sure to stay safe Mr. Francis.” And I rush off the phone to keep from piling on more lies and pretense.

  “Very good. That was your first taste of being my woman. You know nothing. You didn’t hear anything. You didn’t see anything. Good job Myshka!” He jokes.

  He calls me his woman but I hate everything else he said. This is the antitheses of who and what I am. How I have been raised.

  “Nikolai, it’s not a joke. It was awful. The police are reviewing the street cameras in the area. This is serious.” I scold.

  “First of all, it was awful. You’re right. What THEY did was awful. Those little shits would have raped you or worse if I didn’t take care of them. Secondly, the cops aren’t going to waste time seeking justice for punks like that. The cops are probably disappointed I didn’t finish the job. You need not worry about it and put the whole business behind you before I find out what hospital they are in and pay a visit to finish the job.”He says and is totally in a bad mood.

  “What was that you called me? Myshka?” I ask him.

  He smiles and the bad mood/temper tantrum is over. “Little Mouse.” “You are my timid little mouse except when you are my br
ave lioness in bed.” He says and kisses my forehead, tip of my nose, and lips while holding my waist and bending down.

  He checks his phone again as it rings and ignores it once he sees who is calling.

  “Let’s get out of here and have some fun.” He says.

  Fourteen

  We have a long beautiful day out on a small yacht. These cruises are for whale watching or other sightseeing tourist trips, but someone who Nikolai just describes as a “friend”, makes it all possible. The boat, including a captain, the picnic, everything is perfect. The day is long since we got such an early start. The weather is perfect and I am loving spending time out of bed with Nikolai. Though he tries to get me to into the cabin as soon as we board but I refuse to even go down there other than to use the restroom, telling him it kind of creeps me out since I don’t know who all has laid on that bed. He of course argues that this is no different than a hotel bed and impeccably clean. We lay around on deck and nap a little and sunbathe while the boat leisurely makes its way up and then back down the California coast.