Defiled Forever Read online

  He smiles and says “No need. I’ve taken the greatest treasure this house ever held.”

  I love this guy. We are corny, I know, but I eat it up.

  The house smells so good that I decide to go up for my shower and get ready for dinner now. Nikolai says he will pick up around the pool patio and be up in a few minutes. More covering up his tracks I can only presume.

  Seventeen

  When I get to my room, I see everything is pristine. My original comforter has been cleaned and replaced on my bed. My room is never this spotless. I see the little mirror is still in plain sight on Nikolai’s night table along with the two remaining lines of cocaine. So he hasn’t taken any today. Does that mean he isn’t an addict? Just a recreational user? I am tempted to flush it but I am afraid to start a huge fight so I ignore it.

  I strip to take my shower and study my body in the mirror. I am bruised and marked like I have had some kind of painful traumatic experience. I feel warmth between my legs at the thought of what Nikolai has done to my body. I need to talk to my therapist when I see her this week. Is this unhealthy? I know it isn’t normal. Am I a masochist? So many questions as I rub my hands over my throat and down my chest where I am marked over and over again by Nikolai. I am getting completely hot and bothered so I stop staring in the mirror and jump in the shower.

  I take my time with the full shampoo, condition, and shave. While bending to shave my legs I remember that tomorrow I am going to book a full body wax. Ouch. But again, I am excited by the thought.

  Finishing up, I step into the bedroom to find nude Nikolai with a drink in his hand, sitting on the bed and waiting for his turn I guess.

  He reaches his free hand out for me. Wrapped in a towel around my body and one around my wet hair, I go to him and bend to his kiss.

  “The smell in here is my favorite. I’m addicted Lyubov Moya.” He says as my eyes go to the cocaine immediately and see it’s still there.

  “Not that. I am addicted to you. To your smell.”

  He seems kind of upset with me and he can tell where my thoughts lie.

  “My work means for the most part I have to be sober. I indulge when I can. Like when I am with you. I have lived this kind of life for so many years I’m not sure how to be a normal guy. Or a good guy like that cocksucker Lawson you think so highly of.” He sneers into my temple with his gruffest voice.

  “Nikolai, let’s not fight.”

  He walks around me to the bathroom where he closes the door. I dry and begin to get dressed. I have a soft comfortable summer dress that seems like I care to dress nice for supper but very comfortable and casual. I have taken more sun these past few days than I thought and my shoulders are a reddish tan and my nose has a light dusting of soft freckles. I comb out my hair and just put on lip gloss and one swipe of mascara. I can go no further until I can get to the hairdryer in the bathroom.

  Other than stand around and wait for Nikolai to come out of the bathroom, I go on downstairs to check on our dinner.

  The warming oven is loaded and turned on. Nikolai must have done this earlier. I decide to set our places at the small kitchen table and maybe pick out some wine. Somehow, silently, Nikolai is there and grabbing me from behind. He slips his arm around my waist and pulls me up against his big body. He smells like heaven and I inhale deeply.

  “I am addicted to your smell too.” I say honestly, and he starts at my temple placing small kisses and continues down my cheek into the crook of my neck. His hand traveling up from my stomach to my breasts. I try to turn and face him but he holds me like this. My back to his front. He always has to bend down so far always that it seems awkward and uncomfortable.

  “I’m starving.” He says

  “How can you be? You have eaten all day long.”

  “Maybe I need more than just food to sustain me.” He says and makes his way to start pulling out the food.

  “Ok if we eat in here again?” I ask.

  “Of course. Don’t be so formal with me. I have had many meals on the streets before. You would be appalled if you knew.” He says and I feel like this is a put down when he says things like that to me.

  I also feel like he may be looking to pick a fight with me but I don’t know why. So I ignore his comment.

  “Do you want wine with dinner?” I ask.

  He smiles and says “You drink a lot for a twenty year old.”

  “Yes or No Niko. I am not taking your bait tonight. Yes or no?”

  “Yes. You finish this and I will open a bottle and pour it for us.” He says and I watch him a minute while he opens the bottle and see he has a smile on his face. His stubble free face.

  “What?” I ask.

  “What what?” he answers my question with the question.

  “What are you smiling about? I thought just a minute ago you were angry.”

  “Huh. You’re right I was. But I like that very much about you. You can’t be baited into fighting. You are very calm and serene. Very good for me.” He explains.

  Even with my still damp hair, we sit down at the little table together and take our time over a delicious dinner. I assumed Yelena was preparing some kind of Russian meal for us, but it is a proper American dinner. Pot roast and all the sides. Even an apple pie for dessert and I wonder if this was meant to be special for me.

  “You like pot roast hmm?” I ask him.

  “Yes. Sorry to say I love beef. Any beef. Any way. I love a roast with Yorkshire pudding but Yelena says it doesn’t warm well so she will fix it when you stay at my place and she can oversee.” He offers.

  “This is delicious.” I say and he agrees as he sets out to refill his already empty plate.

  “Don’t take this as a corny pick up line, but you must work out.” I say blushing down into my plate. How can anything I do in front of this man possibly make me blush?

  “I mean you eat so much and you are so fit.” More blushing.

  “Are you trying to flirt with me and pick me up Myshka?”

  “Never mind. Continue eating.” I say and we both laugh.

  Dinner lasts along time like it always does when we eat together.

  I pass on the pie, but Nikolai eats an enormous slice with coffee.

  Nikolai helps me clear away and clean up the mess until everything is spotless. He insists on throwing all of the leftover food out except one plate he has made for himself as a midnight snack for later.

  “You are going to get fat.” I say and he just laughs. I feel ashamed to waste such beautiful delicious food as he runs it down the disposal but he insists, saying Martha is not stupid. A woman can always tell when someone else is cooking in her kitchen.

  Okay, fair point. But I’m not sure Martha pays that much attention to what eat or don’t eat on the days I am alone here. True, anything other than a bowl of cereal for my supper may make her suspicious.

  I start to tingle with excitement as Nikolai is turning out the lights around the kitchen and collecting a couple of bottles of water from the fridge. I dry my hands and hang up the last kitchen towel and he asks

  “Do you want to watch a little TV down here or up in your room?”

  “I’m so full. I need to go for a walk.” I answer.

  “Ok. Let’s walk.”

  I put on a pair of flip flops indicating it isn’t really going to be a power walk and he cocks an eyebrow at my choice. So I pointedly look down at his dress shoes. He doesn’t have on a jacket and tie, but he is in dress pants and a pinstriped shirt with the cuffs rolled back.

  He sets the alarm and we walk out the front door. It’s a beautiful balmy evening and other than an occasional dog walker, we see no one on our walk looping around the end of my little neighborhood.

  We talk constantly, give and take, but about nothing in particular. We are comfortable.

  As we are returning and getting closer to my house Nikolai leans down and asks if I have anything on under my little dress. Swoosh! I feel a flood of sexual excitement head to toe and wish I could say no,
but unfortunately, I am wearing panties and a strapless bra.

  “Yes of course I am.”

  “What exactly are you wearing Lauren?” He asks in his sexiest gravelly voice.

  I answer him.

  “And are your panties wet Lauren?” He asks me.

  Oh God. This man. How do I answer him?

  “I don’t know.” I lie.

  “I think you are lying. I think you want me to check them for myself.”

  Ding ding ding !

  We turn to walk up my driveway and he halts me halfway. He pulls me close and reaches down to my panties. He runs his finger under the lace and through my wet folds.

  “I knew you would be wet. Always so wet. Always ready,” He says and he has slipped into the zone of sexual haze.

  We make it through the door where Niko sets the alarm and pounces on me. Tearing at my clothes until I am naked.

  “I don’t want to take you outside of your bedroom. I don’t want to disrespect your Father’s home. I just don’t think we are going to make it up the stairs.” He says though clenched teeth like every word is too much of an effort to get out.

  “It’s my home too.” I say and he lifts me to wrap my legs around him as he slams my back into the wall.

  He is thrusting into me so hard and violently and I find deep inside of me I am sore and feeling bruised from before. I cry out. “Aargh.”

  Nikolai slows his thrusts a little and pushing my hair back, forces me to look at him.

  “What is it Baby?” He asks with concern, barely pumping into me.

  “It hurts. I’m sorry. I feel like I am bruised inside.”

  He slides out of me and lets me slide down. But before my feet hit the floor, he lifts me in his arm and carries me up the stairs to my room.

  I am so disappointed that I cried out. Sore and all, I was on my way to climaxing, and now it’s all stopped.

  He supports all of my weight with one arm while pulling the covers down with the other and lays me gently on the bed.

  “I hit your cervix over and over last night. I thought a day of rest and pool water would relax you and let you heal. I must have done more damage than I thought. I’m so sorry baby.” He says and his eyes are a deep shade of grey with nothing but sorrow and regret and most of all, love for me.

  “I’m sorry Nikolai.” I say.

  He says none to gently “You have nothing to be sorry for. It was all me. I always have to push you and hurt you. I am so fucked up. I am sorry for hurting you.”

  “I just want you to love me.” I say risking everything and not hiding anything.

  “I do.” And he lowers himself onto my body where he caresses and kisses every inch of me like I may break into pieces. He gives me orgasms with his tongue only and doesn’t even touch his fingers to my entrance.

  I try to hold him and give him pleasure with my hands or mouth but he refuses me.

  He says “I broke you now let me heal you. Let me heal you.”

  We kiss and caress until I finally fall into an exhausted sleep.

  Sometime during the middle of the night, I wake. Of course I am alone in bed. I never see Nikolai sleeping. The bathroom door is partway closed but the light has been left on in there making it easy for me to see in my dark bedroom. He is somewhere in the house still as I see his bag and his belongings are still here. I walk into the bathroom and after handling my business, I brush my teeth and wash my smudged face. Before I finish, Nikolai is there.

  “Are you ok sweetheart?” He asks all concerned.

  “I’m fine. Did you sleep at all yet?” I ask.

  “I am coming to bed now. Are you sure you aren’t in any pain still?”

  “No Nikolai. I’m fine. I’m sure it’s ok now. Let’s go back to bed.”

  He returns me to bed like I am a child that had a bad dream or something. Once I am tucked in to his satisfaction and kissed soundly, he goes into the bathroom and closes the door.

  I am dozing off when I feel him slide into the bed. He pulls my body to his and kisses my neck and shoulders from behind. His breath so fresh and clean I know he has just brushed his teeth as well.

  This is my life now. I am sleeping with a man. My man. I feel his erection pressing into me and wait to see if he takes things any farther. His stamina is amazing. Just more kisses until I drift off completely.

  Hours later I am woken up with the sounds of Nikolai shuffling around the room. I lay perfectly still and pretend to sleep. I focus on the alarm clock on my nightstand and see it is five thirty a.m. only. Why so early? Way too early. I enjoy observing Nikolai dressing and moving around the bedroom until after his shirt is buttoned and his tie is knotted, I see him put on one of those around the shoulder gun holsters and place a gun there kind of under his arm like police detectives wear on TV. He slips on his jacket and secures the zippers on his garment bag as well as his little bag. My heart drops because I know this is it. He is leaving me.

  He comes around to my side of the bed and sits close to me.

  “Stop pretending you’re asleep kotyonok.” And he kisses my forehead.

  “Too early.” I say with my groggy hoarse voice.

  “Be sure to call for an appointment to see the Doctor as soon as possible. Not just for birth control, but to make sure I haven’t caused you damage. I am so sorry I have caused you pain Baby. All of the damage and pain I have inflicted on people in my life, only to find out now I have no stomach for it when you are the one in pain.” He says and drops kisses to my face in between his words.

  “I will call. Don’t worry. I feel much better now. I’m sure it’s nothing.” And I feel self-conscious about my morning breath.

  “Ok. Good girl. I will be here to sleep with you tonight unless your Father comes home. Be good.” And he plants a longish closed mouth kiss on my lips and a short one on my forehead before gathering up his things and walking out of my room.

  I listen and hear the front door shut behind him and miss him already. We have been together every minute since Friday night. This is my life now. I curl up and go back to sleep.

  Eighteen

  My Monday flies. I am successful at making both of my appointments. Gyno appointment at one and wax is at three. I am not on the schedule to work at the gallery until Wednesday this week so I am home and waiting for Nikolai to show. I am swollen and sore from my waxing. I knew it would hurt but I wasn’t aware that there would be a recovery period. I am going to look into laser. I don’t want to do this too often.

  I’m on the pill but still need to use protection for a few weeks. He said that Niko did indeed bruise my cervix but it was minor bruising and should take care of itself in a day or so. Avoid having intercourse for a few days and take Ibuprofen if needed.

  I’ve talked to Mr. Francis from the gallery twice on the phone today and my Father called earlier to check on me and tell me he will be home tomorrow by lunch. But no calls from Nikolai.

  I decide to eat my supper and keep to my routine. For all I know Nikolai plans to show up in the middle of the night. He is like a vampire.

  I wake up Tuesday morning and realize I have been alone all night. Nikolai didn’t keep his promise. I grab my phone in case he called or sent a text during the night and nothing there other than an Instagram of Amanda being inappropriate with some guy at a bar last night. She is going to regret this someday but who am I to judge?

  I lay and stare at the ceiling fan with my mind going over all of the possibilities. How the coke was gone with him yesterday morning. Did he snort that or just pack it up and take it. How he left his MP3 player here. How I missed the sensation of being followed yesterday when I was running around to my appointments. My stalker has resigned.

  What if he has been arrested? What if he has been hurt or even killed? Is this what my life with him will be? So many questions and no answers. What can I do? His calls to my phone have all been from unknown caller so I can’t call him.

  I am sure he basically told me he loved me more than once this week
end without saying the actual words. I have to do something. What can I do?

  I talk myself into calming down and being patient. Just wait. It’s all I can do. Daddy is home and we have a lunch out beside the pool. Martha fusses over us and this feels so comfortable and familiar. I relax after lunch in a lounger and read. Daddy comes out around five to let me know he will be dining out with some business friends and I will be on my own. I go inside and try to reach Amanda. I am losing it and I need a distraction. No luck with Amanda so I shower and get ready for what exactly, I’m not sure.