Defiled Forever Read online

  “Once I understood and figured out I loved you and couldn’t live without you being my wife and having my children, I explained it to Anatoly and gave him the choice. To take my life or let me live it the way I want to. With the woman I want”

  “Nikolai. Please stop speaking to me like this. I can’t trust you. I can’t survive you again. Please.”

  “I promise. No drugs. No jobs all night. I will take however long you need to trust me again. I am clean and honest. I make a good living now and I can give you everything you could ever want. I just want you. I know the love is still there. We just have to get back to that.” He says.

  “No drugs?” I ask.

  “None. A little alcohol in moderation only. I promise. I don’t need to get wasted just to live with myself anymore.” He says.

  “No crime?” I ask.

  “No. I feel like Karma has to pay me back for the things I’ve done, and someday it probably will, but I will spend the rest of my life trying to do right. Be straight. Making you happy. Making you trust me.”

  “No more family?” I ask.

  “Just the one I want to have with you.” He says and this is more than I dreamed possible. Everything I ever wanted. But I still can’t trust it.

  “You made me want things I never wanted before. I never thought I would experience feelings like this. To be honest, I never knew I could feel period. You have changed everything for me. You probably have saved my life by making me want to have a life. A life with you.” He says.

  “Where will we live?” I ask.

  “I can live anywhere in the world and run my businesses. We can live here and be Parisians if you like. We can live in my home in Russia. We can live in the US if you would be happy. Anywhere. I don’t care. Wherever you will be happy.” He says.

  “This is the longest I have been in the same room with you and not touched you. That should prove I am a changed man. But believe me when I say, keeping my hands off of you is the hardest thing.”

  He says and I feel the familiar whoosh of feelings from head to toe.

  “Nikolai, we don’t really know each other. We never dated or did anything normal. We may not like each other if we spend time together out of a bed. You may not want me anymore.”

  “Is that what you need? You want to date me? No sex. We just spend time together getting to know each other? I can give you that if you need that.” He offers.

  I see the tension in his cheek beating a pulse like even making that promise was hard.

  “But you’re wrong Lauren. We do know each other. More than most couples. I know you as well as I know myself.

  “I don’t know. I don’t know how to answer you. I don’t know what to say.” I say quietly. “You say you’re out but that you will always be loyal to and be there for Petrov if he needs you. You are still part of that but you will be home at night. What does all that mean?” I ask.

  “It means I run my businesses and make a living independently and in all honesty I may need to do a favor once in a blue moon if Anatoly asks me. While I am not a gangster anymore, I am not Bob the Banker either. I’ll always be the guy with dirt on his hands, but it will never come into our home. It will never touch you or our family. I promise.

  I let that soak in for a few minutes as we continue to stare at each other. I try to picture the life he describes. The life he paints a picture of seems so much better than the one I have been facing without him.

  “Do you love me?” He asks.

  “Yes.”

  His nostrils flare at this as he inhales deeply.

  “Then you have to decide. I have always taken the decisions out of your hands and made them for you. I was tempted to do that again this time. I even thought of getting you pregnant to bind you to me. But it has to be different this time. It has to be what you want. Forever. You have to say yes. You have to give yourself to me because it is what you want. But be certain. If you say yes and give yourself to me, I will never let you walk away. Ever. You are mine.”

  “Do you love me Nikolai?”

  “Yes I do. I love only you Lyubov Moya.” He says sincerely.

  “I’ve never once said those words to anyone before.” He adds.

  “If you say yes, the animal in me will try to take over again and I will never let you go. If you say yes, it’s forever. Just like the family. Blood in blood out. For life.” He says and his gravelly voice is thick with an accent.

  I can’t speak even though I know my answer. I know it’s yes. I know I love him. Life without him would be hell. I feel like I never lived until I was with him. I want him forever just like he says. I can’t say the words.

  Nikolai as always can read my mind and approaches me his hands going to each side of my face. He lowers his face to press the softest kiss to my lips.

  “You will marry me?” He whispers.

  “Yes. I will.” I answer.

  “My poor Father.” I say, and our lips are connected but not kissing.

  “Grandchildren have a way of making everything all right. He’ll be fine.” He says as he presses his mouth into mine and seals our deal not with blood, but with a devastating kiss.

  Epilogue

  Nikolai Grekov

  Ten Years Later

  Peering thru the tall chain link fence, I am baking in the hot sun pouring down on me. I have to ditch the suit and tie as soon as I get the chance. As the private jet taxis closer to me and the car, I am amused at myself that I still feel such excitement at the thought of seeing her. Of seeing them.

  The two week separation is the longest one we have had, but the school year was still in session until yesterday and I had to be on deck to close a huge merger that took much longer than I anticipated.

  Never again. No money is worth going through this. Even though the deal was the biggest in my life time and one of the biggest deals ever period. So big, it made the business news worldwide. I laugh because after all this time, there is still speculations and comments every time I am in the press. Where did he get his money? Former crime Boss. So much speculation and innuendo every single time. That will stay with me to the grave.

  The sun so bright that I squint behind my dark sunglasses, watching the plane come to a stop. Santorini. A great place for a family getaway for a month or longer. A favorite place of mine and my wife’s.

  I am glad the boys are finally on board for it. For years it was Disney or some kid friendly place when we let them have a vote on where to travel. This time we all agree on beautiful Santorini. Sunny days and cool nights in a home we just recently purchased here.

  I begin walking to the plane at the same time they are approaching me and I actually feel my breath escape. Lauren is pure class and stunningly beautiful in a form fitting beige dress and matching sky high heels, flanked on each side by our sons. My eldest Maxim, at nine is almost as tall as his mother, while his younger brother Sergei, is already up to her shoulders. I am a blessed man.

  “Happy Birthday Papa!” the boys shout and break into a run for the last few steps. I tussle their hair and kiss them both on top of their dark heads as they make a space for their mother to slip into my arms.

  “Nikolai. I’ve missed you.” She says breathless herself.

  “You too baby. So much. This is never happening again.” I say and bend to kiss her beautiful mouth.

  After a minute or two the boys are groaning and making smart comments. So we put it on pause for a minute.

  “Happy Birthday Honey. Are you finally going to tell me what you want for a present now?” She asks, all smiles.

  She has been asking me every night, when we talk on the phone, for over a week. We talked on the phone every morning when we first woke up, a few times throughout the day some days and fell asleep in bed everynight with the phone to our ears not even saying much, just trying to connect while we were thousands of miles apart. I tried to Skype once a day with the boys but those calls were always loud and rambunctious.

  I look over to where the boys are hel
ping load our luggage into the trunk of the car and know they are out of hearing range.

  “I just figured it out watching you guys get off the plane.” I say in hear ear as I press kisses along her jaw line and feel her shiver as I end up caressing her at the base of her throat, still my favorite place on her beautiful body. With her neck in my hand I study the spot as I run my thumb across the indention there.

  “Oh God. You want to buy a plane?” She laughs.

  “No. I want a daughter. A beautiful little girl that looks like her mother. Can you give me that? Can we get started on that right away?” I ask kissing her to more groans coming from the boys.

  “Yes. I want that too. I want everything with you Nikolai. Forever.”

  Authors Note

  Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed this simple story of a very complicated love.

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